Within the last two months, I’ve had much more access to a resource that had previously eluded me. TIME. I didn’t know what to do with myself. So... I became the most dedicated ballet student I could possibly be, taking 1-2 classes per day, plus doing some sort of cross training. I dove head first into personal development and my own healing. I decided it was a good idea to relearn all the French I learned in high school, so I’m spending a lot of time on the Duolingo app. On the one hand, I experienced some rapid improvement in my dance technique, some huge “AHA” moments and realizations about myself, and j’aime parler français avec ma mère. On the other hand, not being used to so much down time, I found ways of keeping my mind busy enough to not have to deal with the discomfort of BEING. I STILL managed to burn myself out and make myself sick despite the abundance of time. I can see where I blamed lack of time for all my problems when it was really about my lack of PRESENCE. Clearly, I don’t have this “down” yet. I’m uncertain that’s even a thing. But this is where I am. It’s messy, uncertain, uncomfortable, and actually quite invigorating. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Magic wands and glitter bombs, Mallory
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